I AM DONE!!!

Having finished my last test about two hours ago I am officially done with this semester! Hooray!

I am so glad it all over, it's been a really hellacious semester, but y'know what's weird? I can sit here, and look back on it, and honestly say it was a good semester, hard as hades, but good. I've been pushed, and pulled, and broken eight ways from Sunday this semester, and I have failed to live up to the pressures and responsibilities like I should have. I have failed my professors, my friends and family, and my girlfriend.

But I've also learned so much. When I look back on my actions I can see where I chose wrong, or allowed exhaustion to breed confusion, apathy, and selfishness. I can see where I failed to help my girlfriend, where I was selfish or failed to lead and plan well enough in our relationship; to keep my actions, or inactions, from causing her extra stress, where I put unnecessary pressures on her because of my selfishness or laziness.

At the same time though I feel like I can honestly say I did my best, I fought so hard this semester, it just wasn't good enough. It never is, and never will be. It is by His grace and strength alone that we make it through this life. I cannot speak in words what He has done for me this semester. How He has forced me to rely on Him even more fully. How he has blessed me through friends and family, and through Melanie. So many times when I was completely a drained after sickness and/or ministering to family and friends she was there to minister to me. I don't think I would have survived this semester if it weren't for her. Not that I would have committed suicide, I would never do that, but I think I would have been such an emotional and physical wreck I would have had to drop out of college.

Perhaps I overstep my bounds. I will not say God could not have gotten me through it all, just Him and me, but I am inexpressibly thankful that He brought Melanie into my life. Even the extra stress of caring for her while she has been sick has been a blessing: to minister to her and meet her needs has been such a joy. Caring for her has become my greatest source of pleasure and satisfaction.

Y’know what else? I’ve learned a ton academically too. The combination of taking Western Civ II and Brit Lit II at the same time provided me an even deeper sense of the details of history and the gradual flow of it, of the story of the western man humanity, of his growth and development. My grasp of history was already deep enough that I never bought or read our textbook and I’ll have an A or B in the class, but I’ve immensely enjoyed seeing more clearly how the events affected the philosophers and writers, and how the philosophers and writers affected the events.

If it’s any sign of what I’ve learned in Advanced Grammar this semester, or any consolation to Dr. Impson, the moment I got on here to type this out I saw how atrociously written my last post was (that’s what I get for writing when exhausted), and became so OCD, I had to fix it right then.

(On a personal note: Dr. Impson, I was parsing sentences in my sleep last night!)

Now begins the summer. This week I will be clearing house, washing clothes, paying bills, seeing returning friends, and saying goodbye to those that are leaving. On Monday I leave for NJ for a week. First I’m taking Mel to meet my Aunt Debbie and my Mimi, and I get to meet her immediate and extended family at her sister’s wedding. On the 19th we return to Chattanooga long enough to repack and fly to Slovakia. I shall return by the 1st of June for family vacation, and some much needed sleep.

And then I shall spend the rest of the summer working my tail off because despite how hard I’ve worked this semester it still won’t fall off….maybe I should talk to a doctor about it…